I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
