You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
