I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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