It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
