So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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