Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
