is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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