Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
