first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish I only lived at night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
