if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
