Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
