just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
