He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize