Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
