That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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