yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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