just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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