dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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