He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
