it wasn't lemon gatorade
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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