Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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