We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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