I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We got so high we made milksteak
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize