Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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