great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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