I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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