I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
