Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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