My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
