I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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