ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
