'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
