Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
