He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My hand turned me down
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
