turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
