you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
