I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
