You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
