I just pynch a tree in the face
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you would pick up someone in the library
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
