she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's shark week go big or go home
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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