Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
