I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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