I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
