who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
