I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize