you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize