Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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