He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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