My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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