I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
