i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
