We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
