My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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