I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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