no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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