I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
