I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize