tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
