Will you blow on my dice?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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