Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize