make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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