he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
