THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
