I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
