You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
