i was born a porn star she said
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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