My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
