What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize