My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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