I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
