Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
