So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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