I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
