Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
