dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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