shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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