The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
