I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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