Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
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