it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
