One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
