Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Randomize
