i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
