I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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