batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
