Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
