I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize