found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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