she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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