Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
