he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
