Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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