There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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