you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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