I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
this is an emotional support booty call
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
