Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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