I need help removing her.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
