on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
