We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
