there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
