worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
