Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
