I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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