last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
