thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
God, I missed his penis.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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