Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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