I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
is wine microwaveable?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize