Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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